1/8/2025
UGGGHH just learned THIS bummer. Worth knowing though, I always had an inkling, like ain't know way a whole ass man just figured out all of that without a heavy dash of woman-hating in his real life. It's a miracle his manifesto was as progressive as it was, honestly. She should have beat his ass.
Anyway, I've been stuck still searching for a job because after that interview I've had zero contact from the dispo company. Not for lack of trying, I was calling them every day last week until the kind lady on the phone informed me it usually takes months to get hired and it's something that's taken care of by their corprate office. Should I even inquire corprate knowing this? So far I've been just checking my email and applying to other local jobs since I heard the news. We've been comepletely snowed in for a few days over here but it just got drivable yesterday night. Because of the snow and the holidays, I've been away from work which means I'm even more broke than usual lol....really thinking about setting up a fiverr or something because I need some pretty quick cash. The thing is, I really wouldn't consider myself as someone with talents I can market. I just don't see what the hell I could do that would make people wanna pay me. Any weirdos want my old socks or underwear or something lol? I need money for an upcoming car bill...maybe I can see if I have anything worth selling? Anyone want a bent (but still functional) Lamb Chop lamp? I actually should go through a lot of my vintage stuff and see if I can figure out how to pack them if by some miracle someone wants to buy them. Would you believe I have no idea how that works? Like how do I know how to include the shipping charges? Maybe if I could figure that out I could get some extra money from all the things I haven't been putting to use around here.
Because of how insanely cold it's become, the heating in the house has been going non stop, and my allergies are suffering for it. One day I was sneezing so bad I still feel the soreness in my ribs from it days later. Save me sudafed....sudafed save me....
1/1/2025
Happy New year 2025!! let's hope we're in for a good year.
Really interesting that I would experience one of first my emotional lows (mainly just feel kinda empty and blah) in a long time almost 24 hours after having my first drink in a while yesterday. I guess that should be my sign to not drink anymore for real, right? I’ve already been perfectly fine with having less than one drink a month. So I think maybe I’ll try to remember this emptiness I feel. It’s kinda funny because yesterday I was feeling pretty good; I practiced some painting and I really got my shit together and organized so I can push more time into hobbies that involve self expression. This week I’ve gotten a fair amount of cleaning and organizing done, though perhaps my bar for accomplishment in this is lower than others, that’s because my ability to accomplish was lower this week due to my body being sore from helping my brother in law move and my period really kicking my ass. Anyway, I worry most about my sleep schedule since last night(?) I fell asleep around 5 am due to New Years celebrating and all that. Of course I still woke up no later then 10 like usual so that messes me up today a lot. Despite that, I’m still pretty happy about what I’ve been able to do this week and I hope next week I can do even more. A lot of what stops me is a certain amount of anxiety-type executive dysfunction. Even now I’m already worried for a shower I’ll be taking in about 4 hours lol. When I think about the things left doing it’s all overwhelming stuff like putting away laundry (lol I know), finding spots for stuff in my room, and just clearing a lot of stuff up in my closet and whatnot that I know will involve a lot of decision making that takes me a long time and I really just have a huge mental wall when I try to do them. If someone could just pop up and say “put this here, put this here, and put this stuff here” I would be able to jump up and do it all in an instant. It’s crazy how about 30 minutes of my week is what I spend the most stress over. They do not lie, that ADHD really do be hittin lmao.
I also have a text I need to respond to, but is it okay to wait until I’ve got confirmation on this dispensary job? Because I haven’t yet and it’s stressful as FUCK. I’ve been calling every day this week to ask about the status of my application, only to be told everyone is busy or the hiring manager isn’t there and they just take down my name and number. I know I seem desperate, but I don’t care. I AM TBH! Also I deserve closure on this thing. I had an interview in person last week that seemed to go well, I don’t think I’ve fucked it up too bad at least and I get told that they’re still needing some help too. I just really hope that by some miracle I’ve made it in. It’s actually my second in person interview at a dispensary and the only reason I didn’t get the other job is because I wasn’t available while my husband was at work, which was just so frustrating to have happen since it’s out of our control. We only have one car, but this time he works nights and outside of the store hours so I’m saying I’m free ALWAYS to ensure I don’t have the same letdown again. But the way things are going with this, I wonder if I’m about to get a new flavor of letdown served to me. Well, despite that, it’s still heartwarming the support I’ve had from so many people for this job. I really appreciate how many people genuinely like being around me and working with me. Maybe there’s something in this small town that’s hiring that has my kind of people.
12/19/2024
So, it's December now.
Well, that's not really true, December is almost over, aka the whole year is coming to a close. And I reach this sort of strange feeling that I need to come back here and speak my mind again. So much has happened to me. My husband was in the hospital due to a huge kidney stone, and the whole ordeal of seeing someone you care about in unimaginable pain is one of those "adult" feelings where you feel old and realize no one is going to hold you while you witness this. Instead, you have to somehow be strong for that person or there's something unspeakable on the other side of the wall if you fail to stay strong enough. It's kind of funny how this happened to us right when I was not only making peace with the calm in my life but planning to embrace it and grow from it. I had already planned out a new routine of going on walks in the local park and working on a list of hobbies and interests while I left the things in life that were not serving me behind. I was planning to improve, to become someone better. In a way I guess I did grow but I don't think I was asking for this. Anyway, it's over now.
After that, we decided to try moving somewhere bigger than the apartment and have my brother in law as a roommate to save us all some money while getting some more space. Seemed like a win-win, and luckily for us, we found somewhere to live that made such a thing true. Now, we've just moved into our house (renting, of course) and we're very slowly unpacking everything. I am so lucky to finally get to be at a kitchen table to be on my laptop at again. I miss the back support of not being on the floor lol. I am a bit overwhelmed with all the ideas of decoration right now (not that I'm even done placing furniture lol), but I think it will all work out. I hope it does. I just feel so disoriented and I'm a bit uncomfortable because I'm the type who really takes a while to settle in. Idk how some people can do it in a day, but I'm getting there. My cat certainly likes getting to go up and down the stairs lol. I have so much storage space now that I could just pack up all my stuff and everything would be clutter free with room to spare. But I would also not be surrounded by all my favorite stuff like I'm now used to! It's crazy how the clutter that used to make me absolutely lose my shit before is now sorely missed. I really used to take the exsistence of clutter in my apartment personally as a failing on my part, and then I embraced it as a part of an unshakable ADHD identity. Now I'm at a loss as to whatever it was I used to dream about before when I wanted to be clutter free so badly. I'll try to look at it all as a blank canvas for all my favorite things, but I have to remember I'm not the only person living here lmao.
Since moving here, I've been trying to get a new job. The one I have now is like a 40 minute drive and I can't stand being late so I'm basically taking off an hour before I need to be there. It's been really rough trying to find a job I feel confident I could actually do, though. I've gotten a phone interview for a dispensary somewhat close and if I didn't ruin it somehow, I should be getting contacted for a second, in person interview. However...I had that interview on the phone over a week ago. So I called today asking the status of my application and was told I would get a call back. So uh, here I wait. For a call back. It's been a few hours and I'm still so on edge I haven't even smoked today lol, I'm sure there's some joke to be made here about that. I will admit I'm the pushover type, which means I said I was open to any hours, anything, just to get the cannabis industry FINALLY on my resume, and because of that, I am running in my head thinking what could have been the dealbreaker for them? Where did I go wrong that I wasn't a first choice or choice at all? Are they just busy for the holidays and can't get back to me in an entire week? Am I being too impatient? My boss at my current job and all my coworkers all were really excited for me to get this job and said they couldn't think of any way I didn't qualify. A couple coworkers even said that I could put them down as references. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. I mean, this is a stoner job after all, so maybe I just came across as too desperate and not chill enough. Not to come across as more insane than I already do, but I made sure to keep my tone and candor really casual but confident, and lean into anything about my job history that seemed interesting to them as a "oh yeah, it's interesting and I would love to tell you the crazy stories, also I am looking for somewhere chill to accept me but I'm able to be serious and productive too" it's a totally weird balancing act that's harder to explain than do, but luckily working in customer service for over 10 years does at least help me figure this one out...well, I guess we'll see how much I've learned once I get an answer soon. I'm in the awful spot of not wanting to seem like I'm nagging but not wanting to lose something great because I didn't show enough initiative. EDIT: Got a call back, got my second interview Monday and it's in person with the GM. I really hope I make it!! Please let me get my dream job! Or at least on the road to it!
Okay, enough boring personal garbage, let's get to something more interesting, right? So recently I've finally gotten Sims 2 to work on my PC, with serious thanks to that Sims 2 download help subreddit for putting together something so simple even a dingus like me can get it going with no issue. I am most excited to try out all the DLC I couldn't afford back in the day! There's so much too! It's crazy to think that this game is completely forgotten by EA, because I know releasing a complete edition on Steam for like 40 bucks would sell millions. Hell, make it overpriced at like 100 bucks and I bet millions would still buy it. Money just being left on the table to collect dust. Anyway, I'm hoping to make a little spot where I can put pictures and bios of my Sims on here just for the fun of it. You can definitely tell a lot about someone just by a look into how the play the Sims lol.
Also, I'm playing Webfishing like crazy, what a fun game! It's simple, and I can't really say I'd recommend it as just a game on it's own unless you're like me and need to play it for a little bit as a way to ease anxiety or just to put some rest on your brain. But it's a great way to meet fun people and have silly little conversations. I think it fills in something better where social media can take up space in your life. I think I should add a couple warnings:
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Firstly, this is a place that seems to be vulnerable to hackers generally fucking around and possibly doxing you. I guess for me something like that isn't the biggest concern because I mean just....fight me irl, my boss doesn't care what's wrong with me, I'm ripped offline, etc etc, but it's something that you'll see in the Steam reviews that you should be aware of before meeting strangers online on here. You can always make your own server that is for those with the code only though. I've never had any issues so far.
Secondly; and less of a concern really, is that this is the gay leftist fishing game.
Young left leaning kiddos are running around saying they're enby gremlins who love crime and for some people that's a deal breaker. I don't mind, but I do try to avoid kids and uhh...kid acting people. Sorry minors, but sometimes people can just smell it on you. I know no one's going to really find a way to stop you, but maybe don't pursue hanging out with 30 year old losers like me if you can help it lol. But there's a lot of adults there and as you might expect, it's more of a Tumblr than Twitter kinda space. I don't really mind, I am a leftist after all, but I can see why even leftists can get tired of a place that leans to leftist theory as fact and has more liberal types of people, more liberal and leftist humor, ect. You feel a little like you're in an echo chamber because you kinda are. I don't think it's a big deal for just a silly fishing chat room though. This is why you diversify! 
The other game I just started is Infinity Nikki but like....I don't know. It's a "free to play" game, aka I'm going to be losing money ALWAYS on microtransactions that barely push my game forward. It's a beautiful game and it's fun, but do I really need such a risky game when I have others to play? There's already so many forms of currency to make that element confusing to people. It just seems like a toxic thing that's got a very pretty and sparkly coat of paint. Life Makeover already took money and time from me when I should have left it alone. Maybe if there's a social element I can at least work with that. It's really a shame they didn't make this into an honest game! I was SO ready to save up and buy it. But alas!
Under this is me yapping waaaay too much about the WWDITS finale lol:
